Lessons That Last A Lifetime: Boundaries

All my exes are blocked. Period.

There’s a humorous holiday meme going around about toxic exes sending texts. The meme is funny because we’ve all experienced this, not because it’s toxic. Unfortunately, because we’ve all experienced unsolicited communication from people that we thought we had cut off, it’s become normalized. Certainly in the time period of smart phones and social media profiles, it’s easier to find people than it ever has been. No need to make the effort of grabbing the phone book when we’ve got Google. What this means is establishing your boundaries is going to take more effort than it ever has. Simply deleting a phone number is not enough.

I used to have an ex that would hit me up every January without fail. This was someone I met back in 2011. This incessant contacting went on for years. We had not had a toxic relationship. In fact, I liked him well enough as a person, we just didn’t have the same goals for a romantic relationship. This was why it took me so long to block him. Honestly, it shouldn’t have taken me as long as it did. The simple fact is that the relationship did not serve me, and this was reason enough to block the kid and get on with life.

When we ceased contact it was because of a boundary I established for myself. It didn’t have anything to do with him other than he did not want the same things that I did. This doesn’t make him a bad person but it does make him a bad person for me. So why keep him around? Blocked.

I’ve made a habit of blocking exes. I used to want to keep them unblocked so they could see all of my glorious success. Now I understand how vain and toxic that mindset is. As it stands, my mode of operation is once the relationship ends, so does our connection via technology. It’s not the 1980s. Unless someone is a sociopath, they’re not likely to try to pursue you beyond realizing they’ve been blocked on every platform. After texting, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter inboxes and email have been exhausted, most people get the hint.

Of course we all think of exes or old friends from time to time. This is not something unique to this generation. However, the ease with which people can be reached has led to an uptick in folks trying to re-establish connections that have expired. Someone even joked under the thread for one of those Tweets that he sends that text to about five or ten women and see who bites the bait. Don’t bite the bait. Don’t be easy to reach. Block people, not for the sake of some reverse-psychological flex, but for your own sanity. I didn’t get one of these toxic texts this Thanksgiving and that is truly something to be grateful for.

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Kesia Alexandra is a creative writer from Washington, DC. She studied at Boston University. She’s on Twitter and Instagram. She’s the author of It Ain’t Easy, Eating off the Floor and Majestic and Lynn.

creative writer, creative speller.

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